sadposting about synesthesia

i think my personification synesthesia is slowly fading away, and i don't like that. but i might be freaking out over nothing.
when i was younger, i had very strong and detailed personification associations with numbers and letters but now all i feel in association to numbers and letters is some sort of vague "feeling" that i sometimes vaguely associate with temperature. but usually it's just a "feeling". like, when i see an A, it just "feels" like how an A should feel, and words will "feel" like a mixture of their letters. probably why im good at scram
like i said, i used to have far stronger associations, and even these kind of vague associations feel like they're fading over time. i'm really scared about that because i feel like i depend a lot on ideasthetic associations. it's a significant part of how i read, how i do math, and probably how i program too (i haven't really thought about that one); i'm scared that i might be getting worse at all those things over time. but i don't know if losing it would actually affect those skills. i'm inclined to think they would though.
I'm definitely slower at performing calculations than I was 4 years ago. that could be a result of this, or it could be a result of idk mental health factors or something. That would be very plausible. I'm just not sure

anyway yeah thats my mini-existential crisis on how one of the ways i view the world is apparently changing for the worse thansk for reading